"My Conversion at Medjugorje"

The moving confession of Cristina, a German girl.
From the Florida Center For Peace Newsletter March 1996

"Although I was born into a Catholic family, right from my childhood I kept distancing myself more and more from God and from His Church. And so, I no longer went to confession or prayed. This is how my long resistance began, during which I sought my so-called freedom and independence. I no longer cared about my good name, I no longer followed any rules because these were things that made me feel like a slave. By freedon I meant: trying everything, taking everything that life offered, I considered all things permissible: the sinful "good" life, alcohol, hashish, shoplifting, reading atheistic and anarchic books, getting drunk, night clubs, rock concerts...

For me, God was an invention that grows and is nurtured in desperate situations in life. I thought the majority of people were ingenious and cleverly taken in, or else deceived in a vulgar and cynical manner. And I did not realize that I was one of these people. Everything sickened me, I criticized everyone and was not interested in anything about anyone, I even harmed those I came across. In spite of all I had, and had obtained: night life, alcohol, drugs, entertainment, affairs with various boys, I felt empty inside. And I was hungry for love. Only now do I know that the love I was seeking was not to be found in this world, but only in God. And so I felt free, totally free, but I had no peace in my heart. This is how I lived a year ago.

In 1985 my father heard of Medjugorje by chance and in the same year went on a pilgrimage there. He came back full of enthusiasm about the experience he had had. A year later all the other members of my family went to Medjugorje, except me. They told me everything. Sometimes I rudely refused to listen to their conversations about the apparitions of the Madonna. The Friday before Palm Sunday, my mother went on a pilgrimage to the Madonna of Medjugorje with my youngest brother and a cousin. I still refused to go with them, even though I was on holiday. I was simply afraid that by going there I would lose something I certainly did not want to lose. As soon as my mother left, I was overcome by a feeling of great anxiety. I felt sad because I had not gone as well.

The evening of the following day, I was sitting in a train heading south accompanied by the prayers of my brother and father.

After a thirty hour journey I reached Medjugorje on a Sunday, after evening Mass. I was very angry with myself for being somewhere I did not want to be. While I was looking for the family where my mother was staying, I met a young priest who took me there by car. He asked me why I had come. I relaxed and replied in answer to his question: "I don't know why I'm here either! The apparitions of Mary don't interest me and I don't believe in God."

Laughing he said: "I'm pelased you're here. Let's leave the rest to the Madonna!" I must admit I was very surprised and taken aback.

When she saw me, my mother was struck with amazement because not even in her wildest hopes had she expected to see me there. The first days at Medjugorje were terrible. I wandered through the mountains alone and thought: it is no miraccle that these people living amidst such beautiful natural scenery came to think that all these things were created by God. In the evenings, since I did not know what to do, I went to church. But it cost me a great deal.

On Holy Thursday, my mother begged me to go after Mass to the chapel to the right of the altar where adoration of the Holy Sacrament was to take place. As I did not want to go home alone, I went to the chapel. I would not kneel down for anything in the world, but a greater force made me sink to my knees on the floor. Even today it is difficult for me to describe in words what happened to me.

A group of German pilgrims was singing Schubert's Sanctus with Father Slavko and I believed!

I cannot describe it in any other way. A succession of happy moments took place within me. I believe, God exists, He was made Man, He became bread. I felt His presence especially in the Host. I must have wept with joy. Over the next few days I wept a lot, but at the same time I felt God's merciful love. On Holy Saturday I went to confession and then celebrated Easter. I too was raised from the dead!

After Easter I stayed in Medjugorje two more weeks. Only then was I able to open up to the apparitions and to what Mary wanted to say to me. I felt very deeply that She was my mother. She took me by the hand and with Her smile She is always near me. For months, I felt happy: when I was at Mass, when I prayed, when I pronounced the name of Mary or Jesus, or simply when I thought of them.

By Easter 1988, I had been to Medjugorje four times. My life has changed completely, something I would never have dreamt of. I have given up smoking, drinking and listening to rock music. I am happy. Holy Mass is the culmination of my day, the most important event of the day. It makes me happy. The king of all kings comes into my heart at Holy Communion. Because He loves me and through me He loves all those I meet. I am certain that God through Mary will guide me also in the future."

This marvelous conversion shows us just how true it is that everything is possible for God. Cristina is now living in a community in Italy because she has re-directed her life to the service of Jesus through Mary, putting into practice the messages of the Queen of Peace. She has dedicated her life to God, doing penance for the conversion of hardened sinners.

Without conversion, without a change of lifestyle, thinking and behavior, there is no salvation. And so the words of Jesus ring out once more: "Convert and believe in the Gospel".

The Queen of Peace has also been tireless in repeating for years now: "Dear children, convert, convert...!"

Blessed are we if we listen to this voice and answer! This will be the sure way of our happiness, of our salvation.